What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 04:53
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Have you ever been instructed/forced to crossdress for the benefit of others?
And i lived it daily.
I couldn’t, believe it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
How is a narcissist likely to handle situations when confronted with hard truths about themselves?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We all went to grammer schools
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It was going to be , some day.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My life is so biszare .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Is the Shia claim true that Imam Ali was born inside the Kaaba?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why does a college girl cover her face with a scarf in Bangalore?
I was seconnd youngest,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My family never makes their pension either.
She wouldn,t have been !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She found it foreign!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do men think I’m easy just by looking at me?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
How many wishes do people get on their birthday?
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was 9 years of age.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So whats the point in blame.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im still living with it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I have no regrets .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He knew the spot.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I waited trembling.
I never cut or harmed myself..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I will be 64.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
All the time i was locked up.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was very sick at this time too.
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She married twice! .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She loved him until the end.
This is soul school!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
Who then, do I blame.?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I think the readers, may guess!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Put me off passion for life!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But it wasn’t much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Ive learnt so much.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What did i know ?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were not on the streets..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One cannot live in the past .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I said to her
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.